In Japain

Our first week in Japan has been slightly overshadowed by a prolongued flu style thing (hence the horrible pun in the title). The positive was that we could cough at anyone we liked, as most are wearing those protective face masks. Seeing that you're still allowed to smoke in most restaurants here, I'm not entirely sure they've quite developed a foolproof sickness beating system yet though.

Having landed just outside Tokyo* we took the 80's style sci-fi monorail into town, which takes you into town a number of stories above street-level. Thanks to our flight landing at 5am we had a number of hours to kill, so headed to Ueno Park nearby to look at the cherry-blossoms which, fortunately, were in full bloom:
(*I'm still to be convinced that there is an official end to Tokyo, pretty sure that, like the universe, it's more of a theory that it stops somewhere.)

So damn arty

I'll explain those tarps in a bit

Godzilla sighting?

Bec entering the 6am cherry-blossom rush

You though we were out of arty shots?

We knew that cherry-blossom season was taken seriously here, but I guess neither of us had considered exactly what form that passion would take. Apparently the process is for a member of your group to turn up early (that was 6/7am above and most of the good spots were taken so you need to get there before then ideally), so that they can save your picnic spot with a tarp before awaiting the rest of the group....about 10-12 hours later. That's a long day just to cram in 3 hours of drinking under the trees (you have to have wrapped up by 8pm(ish)). Still, apparently it was enough time for one group to hold a talent show, featuring a group of middle aged men in nude bodysuits (with fig leaves over necessary areas) doing what looked like their version of the YMCA. It's pretty much the only public fun we've seen people having.

Oh, apart from when posing for photos. Bec has been so impressed by their array of poses that she's taken it upon herself to follow suit:

The undoubted highlight in Tokyo was our visit to Tsukiji (yeah I googled that, so what?) Fish Market, which has all the controlled chaos one would expect for a fishmarket catering to a city of 13+ million fish lovers.

Also we got to see a massive tuna get quartered for the surrounding stalls. I spent a lot of time convincing myself that we probably didn't need a 6ft tuna knife at home. I still haven't fully succeeded though....

Who knew a tuna took 4 men to cut?

 Sadly Bec was so impressed with the whole process that she fell in love and ran off with another 2m long male. I guess there really are many more fish in the ocean...(although not for long at the rate they were heading through Tsukiji...)

Fun under the cherry-blossoms aside, I'm convinced that we've stumbled across yet another city where people have been replaced by Apple's new humanoid 2.0 system. I've had to look closely but believe there are a few tell-tale signs:

1. No pushing in queues, even underground during the morning commute. Everyone walks in their own position and doesn't look to overtake or force people to walk faster. This is clearly inhuman
2. You get the same smiling welcome and goodbye in every restaurant you enter, from every employee. As people are entering and leaving almost all the time, this leads to those salutations being repeated roughly once every 84 seconds (I have a chart which proves this if you want it). No human could do that and not destroy everything they loved
3. The (younger) women don't feel the cold. They wear shorts in near freezing temperatures while I recently found that the small adventure shop moving along-side me was actually Bec hidden under 31 layers of thermal (and breathable, everything must be breathable) clothing. Unless they're Geordies, which I'm yet to prove they aren't I guess, the only possible explanation is a programming error.
4. There are vending machines everywhere, including as a way to order in some restaurants. Humans, and human interactions are clearly being fazed out.
5. Everything is substance over style. We humans are shallow, vain creatures. And yet 90% of all cars in Japan appear to be, more or less, a box with wheels attached. One brand is even called the Box. This offensive practicality must not be allowed to spread. I really don't want to end up driving a box around.

The positive which has come out of this evil programme has been the invention of the "are you thirsty game?". If you answer yes to the question then the other person can get you the drink of their choice from the nearest vending machine. All I can say is that Strawberry milk tea is as bad as it sounds.

From Tokyo we made our way to Kanazawa, via Hiroya, a thermal spa town stuck high up in the Japanese Alps. Highlight: we saw monkeys. Lowlight: I had a really nice Easter dinner booked which almost ended our relationship.

Monkey!

Bec acting like she's not really, really cold

The private outdoor thermal spring. Pretty sure we came out medium rare

So to the dinner. I thought it would be nice to celebrate Easter with a traditional Japanese 8 course dinner after a long day's travelling. This was a mistake...

1. We weren't hungry
2. We were both feeling awful
3. What was on the table when we started looked more than enough
4. The table was a lie. There were at least 6 courses still waiting in the kitchen
5. These heavily featured what appeared to a form of congealed phlegm not often served in Japanese food back home
6. Everything appeared to be made with fish paste

 As a result Bec went from super happy:

Seriously, look how happy she was despite feeling terrible

To this in the space of a couple of minutes. That is the look of a woman who is genuinely considering the possibility that the next mouthful could be the one which puts her off Japanese food forever.

I sat opposite this face for over an hour. Never has a decision of mine been so judged by anyone involved in it...

I also made the mistake of booking a Japanese style room, thinking this would be a nice experience. The comment of "why is our bed in the cupboard?" when we walked in told me this might be another error of judgment. Thankfully I think she took to sleeping on a mattress on the floor pretty well, although I'm not sure either of us fully got the hang of exactly how you get comfy on a rock hard rice pillow. My neck hates me.

Thankfully despite these misjudgements I was mostly forgiven by the time we got to Kanazawa...

 where we've spent two days wandering around enjoying a version of Japan which is much closer to what I think most people would expect. From the overbearing grey of Tokyo, Kanazawa is filled with much more character, including beautiful gardens, restored or remade historic houses and temples, and hundreds of museums

I still have serious hat envy

Worst posing ever

Chelsea flower show gold winning garden #1

#2

#3 (Featuring the rare pole tree)

Also it has a 21st century modern art museum, of which one of the main exhibits is "Architecture for dogs". This includes the below design, entitled "Chihuahua cloud":

Does it turn into a butterfly?

In other news Bec has travelled from Brobdingnag to Lilliput, and is now lording it over all the short people:

While I, and this will shock you, I simply do not fit. At all.

The one size fits all shoes outside most traditional buildings are my current nemesis

3 rooms. 3 showers. 3 lovely neck washes.

Finally a tally of the key stats from this week:
Godzilla sightings: 0
Times Bec has complained that the toilets have heated seats: 3
Times Bec has complained that her seat wasn't heated: 1 (how people change...)
Ultimatums issued about potential future hotel dinners: 1
Bad fortunes received by Bec at temples: 1
Good luck things she's done at said temples to rectify this: 4
Times I've hit my head: $irmrrewfSCC]cC
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I mean 8, 9? Seriously I've no idea. All I know is that the top of my head is very sore to the touch.

This next week could be my last if I keep forgetting to duck, and then duck a little bit more.

Will I survive repeated head trauma? Will Bec's newfound size go to her head? Will we end up driving home in boxes? Stay tuned for the next edition...

x
Rob&Bec